As humans, we have six basic human needs, and our behaviors are what help us attain these needs. Now, sometimes those behaviors are positive and useful, and other times they are unhealthy, but we do them because they are fulfilling one or more of our basic needs.
The first is the need for CERTAINTY and/or COMFORT.
We get certainty through consistency and knowing what is going on. Certainty feels secure and helps us avoid stress. It also brings pleasure. The need for control often falls into this category too. When there is less control, there is often more anxiety. People can find certainty and comfort in different things… some good and some not so good.
The second is actually the opposite of the first one, and it is the need for UNCERTAINTY and VARIETY.
This gives us excitement in our lives and the element of surprise. It allows us to be different and for there to be diversity and for us to have challenges to overcome and feel good about. Someone with a boring life, for example, may turn to other things and develop bad habits or unhealthy behaviors in order to create variety and excitement in their lives.
The third basic human need is SIGNIFICANCE.
We all need a sense of purpose, to feel needed in some way, to have meaning in our lives, and to feel important and unique. This significance can be achieved in positive or negative ways. A person can feel significant by being the best, or even the worst at something. If someone feels as if they are “not good enough” (which often stems from childhood), they will turn to behaviors to try and prove themselves to be significant. Examples of this could be overworking, or accumulating material possessions, or by getting academic degrees or accomplishments.
The fourth need is for LOVE AND CONNECTION with someone or something.
As humans we need to bond, share, and feel intimacy. We are essentially like “herd animals” and need to feel like we are a part of something. When we are lacking love and connection, there is a higher likelihood of depression. And, a person can actually get connection by having problems and getting sympathy and attention for those issues.
Those first four basic human needs are where we sometimes see problems happening, but the next two are where we find solutions.
Number five is GROWTH and LEARNING.
Either we’re growing or we’re dying and when we switch off from learning, our brain starts to deteriorate. So, make sure you are doing something every day to learn and grow in some way, hence fulfilling this need.
Lastly, we have a need to CONTRIBUTE TO OTHERS.
Let’s be honest, when we help others and contribute to their lives or to the good of mankind in some way, we feel good! Giving to others in some way will sometimes help to resolve problems in our lives. An example of this is when something bad happens to someone, but they make something good out of it. Take MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) for example… The brave mothers who started that organization took something really bad and used their pain to create something pretty significant that contributes positively to the lives of others.
So, are you getting all your basic needs met? And how are you going about getting those needs met? Is it with a useful behavior or with one that isn’t very healthy or useful? When we find out what needs are being met by an un-useful habitual behavior, we can discover and implement other, better ways to meet those needs instead. And in doing so, we can let go of the habit and create lasting change.